literature

Grimoire Chapter Two: Ac Felis

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Mel was huddled in her room, sitting on her bed with her back to the corner. Propped up on her knees sat the dusty old book her father had left her, only a few pages in. Her eyes narrowed as she strained to read the little words, her mouth moving silently, sounding out each syllable.

Every now and then she would begin to mumble the words in a barely audible voice. "Not a t-tree nor," she paused, staring at the page, her face growing perplexed. "Nor?" she repeated. "Nooorrrr?" The word felt unfamiliar in her mouth but she continued anyway. "Nor a house broke the broad sweep of flat co-? coh-untry? Country!" She smiled with pride when she managed to sound the word out correctly. Her smile soon faded however as she lowered the book and looked up at the ceiling, the only fixture to draw her attention was a flickering bulb, dangling from an old cable.

"Come back soon," Mel breathed with a long sigh before turning her eyes back to the pages.

Mel stayed hidden away in her room for over a half an hour, eyes flitting across the page and lips mouthing the words the whole way through until finally, she seemed to pause. "In s-spite of the swaying of the howse and the wah?-wahh?-wailing of the wind, Dorothy soon c-closed her eh-... eyes and fell fast asleep."

The words came to an end and Mel stared at the page in disbelief. "Did I-Did I finish the first chapter?" she asked herself, a smile slowly spreading across her face and a giggle appearing on her lips. "I finished it all by myself! Hahaha! Oh, Dad's gonna be so happy, I did it, I did it all on my own!" As she spoke her feet began to kick rapidly and she beamed with pride.

"... Now what?" The thought stuck in Mel's head, she had finished a chapter and supposed it was time to take a break from reading. So, hugging the book to her chest, Mel hopped down from her bed. She then began pacing about and stepped into the main room. Humming tunelessly, she wandered into the middle of the chamber, her eyes scanning about for something to catch her attention.

Suddenly, something in the corner stuck out to her, her satchel. A small yellow backpack hung from a hook near the kitchen. It was an item she only took out for one thing. "Exploring!" Hurriedly, she ran over to the bag, pulled it down from the hook and dropped to her knees.

Finding ways to entertain oneself could be difficult, but Mel kept busy. One of her common activities was to explore the lost reaches of the old facility she called home. It was expansive, almost maze-like in its construction. Her father had, at times been skeptical about her excursions, but he had grown to trust her over the years.

With a crisp, satisfying zip, she pulled the bag open, reached in and drew out a rounded, rusty old lantern with a square base. Along with the lantern came a book of matches. Mel proceeded to stuff the novel her father had left her in the bag. "Alright, just remember to be careful. I promised dad I wouldn't get hurt," Mel muttered to herself as she worked.

With a stroke, a red flame burst up at the end of the match. Mel ignited the lantern, slowly and cautiously, attempting to avoid burning her fingers. With the matchbook tucked away in the pocket of her overalls and her lantern in tow, she hopped toward the kitchen. Skirting past the little dining area, she slipped into a near threshold and found herself in front of a large steel door. It was sealed, with a metal wheel mounted on the front.

Placing the lantern on the floor, Mel gripped the wheel with both hands. She groaned loudly and twisted with all her might. Adjusting her grip, she turned her body and braced a foot against the wall. Heaving back with her whole body weight, there was a moment of straining and the wheel twisted in a sudden slip and deposited Mel on her backside. Fortunately, the door gave way as well and popped open a crack.

Scooping up the lantern, Mel stepped through the door. Immediately the need for the flame became apparent, darkness settling around her. The lantern created a sphere of pale light but nearly everything beyond it was an impenetrable black mass. Even in the dim lamplight, it was clear how small the room was, barely larger than a closet. Sitting at Mel's feet was a hole in the ground, leading into the depths of the facility.

Mel placed the handle of the lantern between her teeth, freeing her hands for the time being. Slowly she lowered herself into the hole, grasping onto a set of rungs below. She made a quick descent and came to stand in the middle of a room far darker than that above her. She raised her arm and cast the lantern's glow about the area, revealing countless tables and damaged equipment, all easily beyond her comprehension. It took her some time to retrace her steps but eventually, she managed to locate a passage she had yet to explore.

She found herself traversing a long hallway, eyes scanning the area as she moved. It was old and battered, far more than the area above. Rust coated nearly half of the surfaces, torn wires and damaged pipes dangled from the ceiling, and objects were strewn about the floor in a haphazard manner.

She came to the end of the corridor, a wide threshold opening up before her. Mel held up the lantern to get a better glimpse and revealed the remnants of what was once a door, but the steel had been melted and peeled back. She blinked at the sight before her for a brief moment, curious as to what could have caused such damage.

Mel entered and took a moment to look about, searching for something, anything of interest. The first thing she spotted was a long table piled with strange little objects. She immediately set off toward it and set the lantern down on its surface. Sifting through the various items in front of her, she examined each one with overflowing enthusiasm.

"Maybe I'll find a present for dad," she said to herself. Upon closer inspection, she found little of interest. A glass tube, a scorched book, a few strange metal objects with unclear purposes, tongs, scalpels. "Too bad," she sighed, turning around and leaning against the table.

Then, she caught sight of something in the darkness, something new, something intriguing. It sat at the other side of the room but she could barely make it out in the low light. From what she could see of it, it was a large, roughly cylindrical object. No matter how hard she concentrated, she couldn't quite make it out. So, reaching back, she retrieved her lantern and stepped closer. Her lantern was held out at arm's length and the mysterious object was growing clearer. It was roughly the size of a person and the front was made of glass, though it was caked in a thick layer of dust.

A creak sounded beneath her and echoed through the room. "What-?" Mel started to speak but as her foot next met the ground there was something amiss. The floor beneath her crumbled and started to give away. She could even find a moment to think before she found herself screaming and crashing through the floor. In the commotion, she failed to retain her grasp upon the lantern, her arms flinging forward and sending the object flying from her grasp. She didn't see it connect with the floor, she only heard it clink and skip across the ground, though that was quickly drowned out by the thud of her body collapsing against the hard metal ground.

"Uh!" Mel hit the ground chest first. Her eyes dilated and widened as she rolled over, groaning loudly. It was a strange feeling, that gasping for air, that inability to catch your breath after the wind had been knocked from your lungs. She coughed hard, her arms hugging her stomach as she rolled onto her side, her groans growing louder and louder.

To Mel, it felt like she lied on the floor for hours, though in truth it could not have been more than a few minutes. There was something about that state of pain that made it seem so much longer than it was. After a short time, Mel cleared the dizziness from her eyes and raised her head, immediately looking straight up toward the hole in the ceiling where she had fallen from. She could spot the faint glow of her lantern still ablaze above but it did not penetrate into the darkness that surrounded her.

With a staggering motion, Mel got to her feet, wincing but managing to draw up without much trouble. She needed to get her bearings, so she took a look around, eyes unable to properly adjust to the darkness. "Oh, oh no. It's dark, it's too dark!" Mel began to stutter and form a variety of non-words, just clumsy tongued noises. Her heart beat hard in her chest and her eyes began to dart around, jumping from left to right, attempting to spot something, anything that might get her out of this mess.

The pace of her breathing picked up exponentially, inhaling and exhaling in rapid succession, she seemed incapable of calming her nerves. Then something caught her eye, a few stray beams of light in the corner. It was the oddest thing but there they were. Little cracks of illumination that seemed to be coming in at a diagonal angle from the wall. Mel immediately made her way toward them, her steps uneven and shaky.

Her ambling pace came to an abrupt stop as her hands met the cold metal walls, bracing hard and just barely keeping her from slamming into it, face first. Her hands frantically traveled up the wall until they reached the source of the light. It felt different, solid, but not quite the same as the metal; more like glass. She pushed against the surface and found, to her surprise, that it was loose. "Does it, open?"

She tried again, pushing up with greater force and the surface shifted once more. It wasn't enough so she tried again and again and finally with one last push the surface gave way. It split and opened right down the middle. Light suddenly washed over Mel. It was bright, brighter than her lantern, brighter than any of the bulbs in the facility. It almost burned her eyes it was so bright, her arm shooting up to cover her face.

This strange light, it was different than anything she had felt before. She could feel it radiating warmth upon her skin. "Whuh? Where?" she stuttered, eyes squinting at the light that refused to subside. "Why is it so… so b-bright?" It wasn't just the light, there was more. She couldn't see much through the glare, but what she saw was all so green and open, so different from anything she'd ever witnessed before.

Then there was that breeze, that cool air brushing against her skin. With curiosity in her heart and a look of awe on her face, Mel grasped the edge of the earth, pulled herself through the aperture and crawled out on her hands and knees.

It was clear now what that glass surface was. It was a window layered with moss so thick only a few stray beams of light could break through.

"Whoa," Mel breathed as she looked at the strange new world around her and climbed to her feet. She could feel the grass between her toes and the wind on her face. There were sights and sounds everywhere, so utterly foreign. Massive trees rose up before her in a forest of green. "I-I... Haha!" Mel couldn't help but laugh, excitement like she had never felt before welled up inside her. She couldn't control herself, she dashed off into the trees, hopping with glee and giggling the whole way.

She was so overwhelmed by this new sensation that she lost all concern for where she was or how she got there. She ran and ran. She ran until she was out of breath but still she smiled ear to ear and laughed uncontrollably. Eventually, she slid to a stop as she neared a stream. The trickling little brook bubbled quietly, its water clear and clean. She dropped to her knees and stared into the creek, the tip of her nose only inches from the surface. Little fish darted past her eyes, and her smile widened.

For hours she played in the trees and splashed her feet in the stream. After a time she began to feel faint, her energy abandoning her.

Mel collapsed in the grass beside the stream with her arms stretched out at her sides. As she lay on the ground, she stared up at the sky for the first time in her life. Fluffy white clouds and the bright orange of the sun, all new sights to her and so glorious. It was then that she finally had time to think, and her mind raced faster than it ever had before and suddenly it hit her. She'd seen this before, she knew where she was. Pictures of the outside world in books she'd seen, books her father had shown her. She had been too excited until just now to realize it, but finally, it clicked. She was outside. She had left the facility.

Mel shot up in shock, her eyes wide and sweat forming on her brow. She scampered to her feet, kicking up grass and making a dash back toward the facility. "Oh no! Oh no, no, no, no!" she cried as she ran, her face distraught and her voice shaking with guilt. "Can't stay, can't stay outside!"

Mel hurried back as fast as she could, dropping back through the window she'd used to slip out in the first place. With the light of the sun at her back, she managed to climb back up through the hole. All it took was a discarded chair to give her the few extra feet of height she lacked. Lantern recovered, she made her way back to the safety and comfort of home.

By the time she made it back to the main section of the facility, she had begun to feel exceptionally weary. She stepped out into the kitchen, her movements sluggish and her eyes tired. She groaned quietly, setting the lantern down on the table and breathing hard. Dousing the flame, she tucked it back into her bag, though the motions of her hands had become clumsy.

"I think I need to lie down," Mel muttered. She was unsure of why her body was reacting this way, but it was nothing a little rest couldn't take care of. Her cheeks were starting to turn red and she was growing dizzy. She stumbled into the sitting room and after only a few steps she needed to stop and lean against a chair, bracing her arm against it and bowing her head.

"I-I'll just, I'll sit down here. Just rest, rest here until dad gets home." With those words, Mel flopped face first onto the sofa. Nestling in, she tucked her knees up to her chest and her consciousness faded.

At first, there was nothing, not a sight to be seen, only a sound. A constant pounding against the roof, endlessly raining down and occasionally accompanied by an ear-shattering boom. Every time that boom sounded Mel winced. It vibrated unpleasantly in her ears. Her vision was limited, fuzzy and incomplete.

Slowly, her eyes pulled themselves open to stare up at the shadowy figments that surrounded her. Mel was in her home, that much she could tell, but it felt different. There was a darkness and it overwhelmed her. It was like an inexplicable weight. As if a great pressure was bearing down on her. It made her feel sick, weak and above all else, helpless.

She tried to speak but she couldn't will herself the energy to move her lips or to produce a sound. Her face was hot, it burned and her head was wracked with an almost uncontrollable pain. Her cheeks were wet as if she'd been crying. She wondered how long she'd been asleep.

It took her several minutes to gather herself and finally, she managed to identify that horrible noise. It was a thunderstorm, but that didn't justify this feeling inside of her. There was terror in her heart but that didn't make sense. Mel hadn't been afraid of thunder since she was a child.

In just a moment none of it made a difference. With a crack of lightning, the glass dome overhead shattered in a single, violent burst. Mel's face flashed with fear and her body reacted despite the pressure she felt crushing her. Rolling to the right she dropped off the sofa and hid under a nearby table. The shards of glass came raining down, scattering across the room and creating a raucous symphony of shattering noise accompanied by the drumming of rain. Mel's body curled itself up and shook violently while she covered her head.

Footsteps touched down, the clang of metal meeting metal rang out. She wasn't alone. The dark energy increased tremendously and in an instant, the table was whipped across the room and crashed against the wall. Mel shivered and slowly brought her eyes up from her hands, glimpsing a foot, armoured in bronze with a toe pointed into a spear like shape.

Slowly her gaze traveled up the figure to reveal an unfamiliar and undeniably threatening thing. She tried to scream but couldn't make a sound, simply sliding back against the sofa and putting as much distance between herself and this monster as she could.

Standing in the middle of the room was a humanoid figure, vaguely male though it was hard to be too sure about such a being. Its head was masked by a low hanging red hood and a bronze, mostly featureless mask with two empty eyes covered its face. A pair of gauntlets that matched the boots traveled up to the beings elbows, with claws extending from the tip of each finger. Its build was slender and gangly; its entire body wrapped in torn crimson scarves.

"Where is Alistair Remus?" the being queried, its voice a monotonous echo, devoid of emotion with neither male nor female intonations.

Mel couldn't manage a reply. When she attempted one, she found herself choking on her own words.

"Where is Alistair Remus?" the being repeated.

Mel's instincts took over and despite the weakness that plagued her body she moved, jumping to her feet and dashing for the exit. She stumbled almost immediately, dropping to her hands and knees. Tears streamed down her face as she collapsed, incapable of thinking straight and barely able to move.

The being stood its ground and slowly raised its hand, claws extending outward. Almost instantaneously, energy began to build in its palm. The air around its hand began to undulate, growing hazy as if it were being viewed through a smoky filter. It flickered like a flame, though it did not burn.

Thrusting its arm forward, the being unleashed the energy and sent shards of glass flying in every direction. The energy expanded into a wave of force and shook the facility.

Mel scrambled to her feet, but her limbs could barely muster the strength to push her forward. She only managed a few steps before dropping to her knees.

She felt the force travel around her, but it did not make contact, merely passing over. Slowly she pulled her arms away from her face, body shaking and ears ringing. Standing between her and the strange thing was her father, sword drawn and arm outstretched.

Slowly he lowered his hand, eyes remaining firmly locked upon the attacker. "Mel run!" he commanded, an urgency and anger in his voice that she had never heard before.

"D-dad?" Mel stammered.

"Mel I need you to do as I say. You have to run now!"

The hallway ahead looked torturously long and Mel's every emotion urged her to stay at her father's side. Yet she pushed herself away, her legs forcing her forward, almost against her own will.

The thing cloaked in red stood across from Alistair, staring him down from the other side of the room. "You have arrived. I am pleased," it said.

There was no reply from the man, he simply readied himself, his sword pointed squarely at the creature.

The creature gave its hand a deft sweep and suddenly the sofa at its back soared across the room, straight toward Mel's Father.

Alistair merely swatted away the incoming object as if it were weightless. When his hand made contact a pulse of energy burst forth and the sofa launched back toward the strange being, missing and crashing against the far wall.

Glaring at its opponent, it extended both arms and then thrust them forward. At the being's command, the table and the armchair took flight.

Effortlessly, Alistair deflected the projectiles, backhanding the table to the right and then thrusting his palm forward, causing the chair to hurl back toward the being.

The chair stopped in mid-air, inches from the things face. It waved its hand and the object exploded into flames, then scattered as ashes.

"Harlequin! You will find I have not weakened in my old age!" Mel's father roared and thrust his left hand into the air. With his fingers stretched to the sky, his hand began to vibrate. At first, it seemed there was little reaction, but then the glass scattered upon the floor began to shake and rattle. Slowly, the countless shards lifted off the ground and floated around the Harlequin, surrounding it like a wall of blades. Alistair clenched his hand into a tight fist and the shards enclosed with the speed of a striking snake, filling the Harlequin with a barrage of icy daggers. One by one the hundreds of little glass knives scored, digging into the cloth and disappearing.

The Harlequin remained board stiff as its body was bloated with glass. A long moment of silence ensued, neither of the combatants moving a muscle. Sand began to pour out of the Harlequin in waves, dropping like water-falls from every opening. The seams in its greaves and gauntlets, the eyes of its mask and the various incisions left by the glass shards, all spewed swaths of sand.

"Incredible," said Alistair.

As the last grain hit the floor the sand formed a ring around the Harlequin. It reared its head back and once again locked eyes with Mel's father. Methodically, it adjusted its pose, bringing its feet together and straightening out its entire body. Arms and claws extended, a ripple traveled across the mountain of gritty grains at its feet. "I expected more from you," the Harlequin said as energy began to form in its palms. Thrusting both hands out in one quick motion its power exploded forward.

Alistair tried but he couldn't avoid it; its size consumed the entire width of the room. Crushing him like a wave, it hurled his body back with tremendous force. He soared nearly twenty feet down the corridor and hit the ground, rolling like a ragdoll. Even as he was pushing himself up, using his blade as a crutch, the Harlequin was in pursuit.

Its feet lifted from the ground and it hovered inches above the floor. It darted forward at alarming speed, swirling on the air like a fish through the sea.

The older man took sharp breaths through clenched teeth, desperately attempting to regain his stance. He knew that he needed to gain the advantage or his foe would simply keep pressing its own position. Slamming his palm against the wall a pale light flickered from his fingertips and traveled along the metal. It moved faster than the eye could follow and came to an abrupt halt as it reached the Harlequin. In a bright flash, a section of the wall exploded and shrapnel burst forth.

Several chunks of superheated metal ripped through sections of the Harlequin's attire, a few bouncing off of its mask. Nonetheless, Harlequin seemed unfazed continued to press forward. "This is inefficient. Tell me how to activate the Grimoire and we will avoid further conflict."

Mel's father silently readied his blade.

"Resistance will only result in further harm." As it spoke, it slammed its hands together in a thunderous, steely clap. As it moved the walls reacted, two sections ripping free and smashing together, sandwiching Alistair in between.

He barely managed a motion before he was wrapped in metal. He threw his hand up and then all was silenced by the clang of steel.

For a moment nothing occurred, the Harlequin stood with his claws linked together, eyeing the mass of metal in the middle of the corridor.

Then, all at once, the wall fragments burst into liquid with a searing sizzle. The molten steel sprang forward and the Harlequin threw its hands up to deflect the attack but it was too late. The metallic slime splashed most of its body and locked its arms in place.

Mel's father stood looking as alive as he had only moments ago, an intense glare on his face. With a quick weave of his hand, the slime hardened, locking the Harlequin in place. Alistair continued his assault, dropping to one knee and slamming both hands into the floor. He let out a shout and the entire facility began to shake. The area around the Harlequin rumbled and in an instant, hundreds of massive spikes shot forth from the floor, walls and ceiling, the countless spines collapsing in on one another and creating a mass of unrecognizable chaos.

Alistair panted loudly, head hanging and hand clutching his chest. Harsh groans of pain came in short bursts. Grunting quietly, he got to his feet and staggered from left to right. "How did he find her?" Before he could even begin to contemplate the answer he felt cold metal slam into his face.

The Harlequin stood at his left, its palm pressed violently against his cheek and its claws wrapped around his head. The wall behind it had been melted away.

"How!?" he exclaimed as he felt the back of his head grinding into the corridor wall. His senses quickly abandoned him as the Harlequin began to apply greater pressure.

He yelled in pained and struggled against the Harlequin but it was useless, he was being crushed by the sheer strength of his foe. He did everything he could to resist; drawing his sword back and swinging with all his might, but the Harlequin's free hand shot up and grasped the blade.

As it closed its gauntlet about the sword it trembled and then crumbled into slag.

"Why do you insist on wasting my time? Tell me about the Grimoire."

Mel's father endured, clenching his teeth together and muffling his screams, not speaking a word.

The Harlequin was evidently unsatisfied with the answer, as it proceeded to whirl around, hurling its opponent against the opposite wall.

The collision was harsh as he hit the metal panel and stumbled back into the center of the corridor. His clothes were torn and his body seemed only inches from its breaking point.

"Your body can sustain a very small level of physical battering. Continued resistance will result in your death."

While the Harlequin spoke, something came to Alistair's attention. It was a crackle, a spark. Gazing toward the ceiling he saw a cluster of dangling wires, hanging only metres away and live with electricity.

The Harlequin stepped forward and drew its arm back, claws spreading apart and energy beginning to gather in its palm. The cables at its back began to move. At first, it was only a twitch and then shake. As the red-cloaked being prepared to launch its next attack, its arm was entangled by a series of wires. Then another group of wires wrapped about its torso, pinning its free arm to its side and in a flash, its body began to writhe and shake.

Dropping to its knees it vibrated as the electric charge wracked its body, sparks traveling up and down its limbs. The charge ignited a flame, catching on the thing's attire. It didn't make a sound, its form falling completely still, smoke rising up from the flames that rapidly engulfed its body. Once the smoke licked the ceiling a high pitched squeal broke out, sounding all through the hall. Water began to rain down from the ceiling, soaking the entire facility.

Alistair watched the alien being for a long, silent moment. He watched for a sign of struggle, some motion, any sign of resistance. After several long seconds, when nothing came, he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Ineffective." The sparks subsided and the Harlequin hovered into the air, still trussed up in wires. "You have failed, you will continue to fail. Your efforts are pointless, why do you continue?"

Mel's father steeled himself, wearing a stony, emotionless expression and leaning against the nearest wall to stay on his feet.

It ripped its arm free, torn cables still dangling from the bronze gauntlet. Plasma bolts traveled along its clawed fingertips and in a flash of azure light, a bolt of energy shot forth and blasted Alistair directly in the chest, immediately causing his body to go limp and take off down the hall.

He hit the ground with a resounding smack, landing at the other end of the corridor and lying flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling. "No... I can't.. I need to," his voice was weak, he could barely summon the energy to move his lips.

"Dad!" Mel's voice rang in his ears and suddenly he felt her presence next to him. She scurried to his side, tears rolling down her cheeks. "No, get up. Please, dad, please!" she said, gently shaking him.

"M-Mel? Mel why are you still here!? I told you to leave!" he yelled, the growing urgency bringing him back from the brink of unconsciousness.

"I-I... I won't leave! I won't leave without you!"

"Mel you don't understand!"

Suddenly his body was ripped from her grasp and slammed back first against the wall The Harlequin floated in front of Mel, its arm held in the air. "Remain." As it spoke, the steel of the wall where Alistair was pinned began to react, glowing softly for a moment and then coming to life. Several strands came forth and wrapped about his frame, then growing solid once more and binding him in place.

Standing in front the Harlequin, Mel's limbs felt like rubber. She couldn't move or protest or even scream. She could only stare, whimpering and shaking.

"Melanie Remus?" Floating forward, its motions were like a coiling snake. "You will be instrumental." It continued, moving closer.

"She doesn't know anything, let her go!" Mel's father yelled.

Mel was incapable of mustering a reply, as it got closer she froze in place, terror overtaking her, tears streaming down her face.

"Do not resist," it said as it slowly reached out toward Mel.

"No!" Alistair cried. Struggling with all his might, his arm began to shake and vibrate with power, a pale light forming on his palm. "Mel!" The bar that kept his right arm pinned burst away and with a great sweep his hand swung forward. A blinding flash filled the room and as it dissipated Mel was gone.

A bright scintillation burst out over a small field and sent a bright light surging across the dark landscape. The moon hung high in the sky and cast down its pale illumination. There in the field lay a girl, curled up in the dirt. Her head was aching and her eyes stung from crying. She had never felt this way, not in all her life had she been so distraught and the worst part was that she couldn't do anything to stop it.

She shuddered at the sound of the voice, the words imprinted in her mind. Curling up tighter she felt herself beginning to fade. "It's all my fault." Sick, wet, cold, tired; hungry and heartbroken she remained on the ground whimpering until consciousness left her.
Chapter 2 of my Grimoire series. I have addressed and hopefully absolved much of the criticism aimed at my previous chapter. Enjoy and don't be shy, please comment.

If you stumbled across this and haven't read the first chapter I strongly recommend you refer to it first. You can find it on my page.

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Celestial-moon-fire's avatar
:star::star::star::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star-half::star-empty::star-empty: Impact

I thought that the beginning was adorable, I just have to say. Things like her reading aloud make her a character I want to love on. But she needs more. She's like a mix of two or three archetypes and stock characters that melted together on the back seat of the car. The scared child and brave adventurer in her seem to clash and bring her down. When she wants to explore and even goes outside, she has a brave face on her and goes for it with determination. But when the Harlequin shows up, she stands shocked and scared, as if her previous bravery was only an illusion to fool us. (Though to be fair, I guess you could say she wasn't expecting a 'monster' to show up...)

And speaking of Harlequins, I don't like the fight scene. Everything feels awkward from her point of view where her father and the Harlequin are speaking. I think it needs work, and increase the fluidity between sentences and actions. I felt like I was reading a turn base fight rather than a real time fight.

There are many instances where I see commas needed, or misused where a period should have been, or a semicolon. Also, you seem to over simplify or over complicate your sentences in some areas. Try and find a consistent balance with your style. And including balance in this paragraph, you need to space out the 'hers' with more of her name. That, and similar in reverse.